The Walk

I'm tired of the lectures and the speeches each and everyday.  I'm tired of having to coach my Mom through the reasons why it's important to take care of herself and find balance in "work" and personal care.   I'm tired of having to remind my Father every 4 and a half minutes about the importance of exercise, even though he has trouble remembering certain things.  I'm tired of having to remind my parents that they need to find more regular support and/or ask me to help them in coordinating even more assistance.  I have been doing this for 18 months and I am still here on the weekends.  I work tirelessly Monday through Thursday and barely have any "free" time when I'm not exhausted to do anything by watch an hour or two of TV, and then I come right back home to Olney on Friday and the dark cloud immediately forms right over my head.  Then I spend the weekend lecturing, being frustrated, sitting with my Dad while my Mom runs errands, being irri...

 I have truly neglected my body.  I put it through the wringer.  Today Tim sent me an old pic of myself that looked like it was taken back in 2016 timeframe because it was in my old bathroom in Brookland.  I had real abs. LOL.  But seriously, I just felt better, looked younger, ate better, drank less--I treated my body like a temple.  Now all I do is destroy it with alcohol and shitty food.  Yesterday was the day I proclaimed that it all must change.  I don't want any more of these headaches or these skin irritations or these break outs, or these hangovers, or this high blood pressure or these bags, or this bloat.  I don't want any of it.  I am going to commit to more physical activity fitness, more sleep, more water, no smoke and little to no alcohol.  I'm done.  I'm DONE!

What inspired me to write this blog post was a word that crossed my mind while on a drive.  Downtrodden.  I discovered that the definition of the term is not what I was thinking, but I am feeling how it sounds.  Here were are, 18 months later.  I've been through so much with my parents and quite frankly I am tired of being tired.  I have been depressed for so long and completely exhausted.  Yes, this is going to be a complain post, but I think I'm entitled to it.  I have been managing my Dad's medical since early 2020, taking him to appointments, finding and scheduling caregivers, training assistants, communicating medical updates to family and friends, diffusing situations, physically transporting and transferring my Dad, being a nutritionist, a cook, a housekeeper, a supervisor and babysitter, a reminder system, a "wellbeing" coach to my Mom, an in-home "doctor", a medical researcher, a critical thinker, a handyman, an errand runner... you get it.. b...